Vision of Stars
by ReunitedLight
Summary: Set anytime before 0 BBY. On a mission to Ilum Darth Vader encounters a mysterious vision that will question his beliefs on the past, his life in the present, and what lens he will look through in the future.


I have a feeling of why I have been sent to Ilum.

No, it is not the reasons that Sidious, my Master, told me. I feel that I am not here to track down something, or find something of importance. Sidious simply wants to rub my masked face into my past. No, _Anakin's_ past.

It is extremely cold here, deep in the ice caves of Ilum where the _Jedi_ found their lightsaber crystals. My lightsaber has a red crystal that Sidious provided, I have no need to come here. But I must obey my Master.

It is here, because it is extremely uncomfortable and cold, that I meditate. I must do it to strengthen my connection to the dark side. I find myself wishing that I was in my meditation chamber now, it is difficult to be a _person_ when I go days without removing my mask. So I sit, close my eyes, and sink into the Force.

I find myself lying on black glass sand, without the suit and mask, on fire from the lava, the pain fueling my hatred for the man who is walking away from me right now. Pain is something I am used to, as I have experienced this vision more times than I care to count. But listening through the screaming with melted ears, I realize that it is not me screaming.

 _She_ is screaming.

And through all of the pain, the excruciating pain and hatred for my former Master, I barely find enough strength to keep her name locked away. As my right mechanical arm digs into the ground, everything disappears and I am pulled into a vortex of more and more pain. The lava is gone, the sky is gone, it is just me looking up at droids who are digging into my burnt flesh with knives and all sorts of tools, it is just me feeling everything they do and realizing that it is not me screaming, either.

It is _her_.

And it takes another round of immense strength to push her name away in my mind. When I'm done with the surgery, my eyes snap open. But before my Master asks me if I can hear him, I am pulled through another vortex.

It is then that I land in a dark room, my mask and suit on. The lenses of my mask adjust so that I can see what is going on. I've never been here before. I have been to Mustafar, I have been to EmPal SuRecon Center, but this place is new. I wonder why.

I tilt my head up, and I see a stained glass window depicting a woman. I've seen her face in my dreams, my visions, heard her screaming every time I meditate-

It is then that I realize that this is her mausoleum.

My shattered heart starts screaming inside, screaming her name at me. _Padmé…_ I falter a bit. I regain my composure and look down, my hand unconsciously tracing the marks on her sarcophagus with sorrow and regret.

The door to the mausoleum opens.

She walks in, deep blue funeral dress trailing behind her.

My scorched eyes widen. My treacherous wife is here, and my heart explodes in shock.

The eyes on her angelic face widen as she takes me in. "Anakin…" she whispers.

"How can this be?" I breathe, looking down on her. "I killed you. I killed the child you carried… You're not supposed to be here. You're supposed to be _gone_."

She smiles sadly. "This is the only way I can reach you."

"How?" I demand.

"Now is not the time for you to know," she whispers, and looks up at me. "Anakin…"

"I am no longer Anakin Skywalker," I state in a resigned tone, the love for me that I feel in the air hurting me more than the fire ever could. "Your husband is gone."

A tear drips out of her eye. "Prove it, then. Take off your mask and show me that you are no longer the man I married. Show me that I used my only chance to visit this universe on a man who no longer loves me."

"But I cannot breathe," I tell her.

She looks down at my suit, and then back up at me, her pleading brown eyes enveloping me in their gaze. "This is a vision. You can do anything in visions."

I hesitate, not wanting to show her the monster I've become, not wanting to show her that the handsome man she remembers is lost in a sea of scars. But I can feel in the Force that she will not judge me for how I look. "Help me do it, then."

She walks closer. Being in her presence is… intoxicating, painful. Her delicate fingers brush my mask, and then they move to take off the helmet. She rests the helmet on her sarcophagus. There is a _hiss_ as she takes off the mask… and then our eyes meet.

I look down in shame, feeling her eyes wander over my destroyed visage, and let a sob escape. I wonder if my eyes are blue or yellow. I peer into her mind and find the answer. _Blue..._

"Ani… you are so… broken," she whispers. "But there is still good in you…"

My ruined voice whispers back, "But I killed you. I killed our child. And I _hate_ myself for everything that I have done."

She envelops me in a hug, me looking down on her and breathing in the scent of her hair. I dare kiss her, then, reveling in the taste of her lips. Her breath blowing across my scarred face, she whispers, "I forgive you."

She forgives me. She forgives me for all I've done to her, done to our child. Just for a moment, the love does not hurt anymore, and I kiss her one more time, and for a moment we just hold one another after a long time apart.

I look up just as the door opens, a bright, blinding light streaming into the room. Another tear drips out of her eye. She looks sorrowful beyond comprehension and gives me a glance. "It's time for me to go. We will see each other again. Anakin… you know that I love you, right?" She steps to the door. I'm in shock, I thought she hated me, just as I hate myself. I thought that after I turned the beautiful relationship that we once had is gone.

"I know," I whisper. "I love you, Padmé. With all my heart."

She smiles at me, eyes glossy, and I bask in the warmth of her love for a moment. But then, as she closes the door behind her, everything is gone. Sucked into the blackness again, I open my eyes to find myself breathing steadily, unmasked and alone in the cave on Ilum.

I pick up my helmet and mask which happen to be on a tomb-like stone that wasn't there before, donning them, letting the hatred flow through me as her betrayal hits me full force. My wife was treacherous, too loyal to the Republic to see that I had done things for the greater good. It hurts that she forgave me out of love. But she does not deserve my forgiveness.

She deserves Anakin's.

A choked sob escapes the vocabulator when I realize that when she left through the door, Anakin had followed her. He had followed her, and left me alone in life with nothing to live or die for because both Padmé and Anakin, along with their child, were dead.

And if my loved ones are gone, then I have nothing left to fear. Not even my Master. Not even loss. Not even power. Not even defeat. Not even victory. Not even life. Not even death. Not even darkness. Not even love. Not even light.

Not even me.


End file.
